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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23392282">Happier</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunandcoffee/pseuds/sunandcoffee'>sunandcoffee</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NCT (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, M/M, Post-Break Up</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 16:02:44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,072</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23392282</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunandcoffee/pseuds/sunandcoffee</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Just because Lee Donghyuck's relationship with Na Jaemin did not last doesn't mean that he is not the best thing that happened to him. <em>Because he is.</em></p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Huang Ren Jun/Na Jaemin, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Na Jaemin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>37</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Happier</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>listened to Ed Sheeran's song Happier and this happened</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Donghyuck stood in front of a family restaurant which he was sure wasn't here before. He noticed how a lot of changes happened in Seoul ever since he left for America after his highschool graduation.</p><p>The shop he frequents when he was in highschool was gone and was replace by a new apartment building. The convenience store he used to go with his friends was replaced by another convenience store which was more popular to the people. The Mcdonalds near their academy was replaced by a mall.</p><p>He went inside the restaurant and did not even have to find the people he was looking for because of how chaotic the table is. He snorted at the sight of his friends because they were loud even if they were seated far from the entrance.</p><p>"Hyuck!!"</p><p>He was suddenly tackled with a hug by Mark who still had his constant eagerness that is very contagious. He hugged him back because even if Mark is the oldest in their group of five, he never really used his hyung privilege against them.</p><p>He was ushered to sit at the head of the table by Mark who was eagerly chattering how much he missed him.</p><p>"I missed you too, Mark-hyung," he said, to which the older smiled.</p><p>He saw the familiar faces of his friends who he grew up with in SM Academy for they belonged to the same dance club. He noted that there were some strangers in the table as well. But he opted with watching the faces of his friends which for him never changed.</p><p>He actually saw them grow up with him since they were 12 when he first joined the dance club in the academy until highschool.</p><p>The five of them grew up together in the same academy, in the same dance club. It was a twist of fate that in their dance club, they were put in the same group.</p><p>Mark never really changed except for his voice. He still had that face that made them call him baby lion. He still had that aura that makes them want to tease him despite him being older.</p><p>Jeno grew buff in a good way. He still had that eyesmile of his that reminds him of a samoyed. His duality is overwhelming but that just adds to his abundant charms.</p><p>His baby Jisung was the tallest in their group. He still has that baby face and gummy smile but his voice was deeper. Despite his height, he remains that soft-spoken maknae-on-top baby Donghyuck knows.</p><p>
  <em>And lastly, Jaemin.</em>
</p><p>Jaemin is still as handsome as he can remember. His features are more defined and he still has that healing smile he loved the most. Everything about him makes Donghyuck breathless without even trying.</p><p>Though he might deny that nothing changed, deep inside Donghyuck knows everything changed.</p><p><em>Everything changed</em> --- the way Jaemin looked at him without the love present in his eyes, the smile that was once directed to him was directed to someone else, the hand holding Jaemin's hand under the table was not his, the necklace Jaemin wore was not the one he had given, and most of all, he doesn't love Donghyuck anymore.</p><p>Beside Jaemin is a man who has a pretty face and eyes that shine. The stranger was smiling at Donghyuck.</p><p>Donghyuck did not know what to do but he knows that his heart is clenching inside his chest and something stung in his eyes.</p><p>He swallowed the lump in his throat and smiled at everyone in the table. He was introduced to Lucas who was Mark's friend in university. Beside Lucas is his boyfriend Hendery. There is also Ten, Taeyong, and Jaehyun who were their friends in university as they were in the same dance club. And Chenle was Jisung's bestfriend and crush (but Chenle doesn't know it yet).</p><p>And he was introduced to Huang Renjun --- <em>Jaemin's boyfriend.</em></p><p>The lunch Donghyuck had with them was filled with all of their stories from the moment they started college. They all went to the same university because they still want to be in the same dance club even during college.</p><p>Lucas and Hendery were very funny. And Chenle was <em>loud.</em> It was like his friends were normal compared to their energy.</p><p>"A lot of people has a crush on Jeno," Jaehyun shared. "He received chocolates from literally everyone during Valentine's day. He is really Taeyong-hyung's son visual-wise."</p><p>"I was so tempted to announce that we were dating because we couldn't even eat lunch properly without someone approaching him," Jaemin said.</p><p>"It must have been hard because he is too nice to even try to reject them," Donghyuck shook his head.</p><p>"I told all of you to get a boyfriend or girlfriend or both already," Ten insisted.</p><p>Jeno smiled shyly. "I still don't have anyone like that, Ten-hyung."</p><p>"How about you, Hyuckie?" Lucas asked, eating a mouthful.</p><p>"Don't call me Hyuckie," Donghyuck frowned. "But what about me?"</p><p>Lucas ignored his first statement and asked, "Do you have a girlfriend or boyfriend perhaps?"</p><p>"A lover who is currently waiting for you in America?" Hendery added.</p><p>The table suddenly went silent. It was as if the question was tabboo because it may be a sensitive matter for him.</p><p>His friends were holding their breath while waiting for his answer.</p><p>Donghyuck smiled and answered lightly, "No, I don't."</p><p>Before any of them could expand the question further, Mark immediately diverted the topic and sacrificed himself to be the scapegoat as he pleaded Ten to stop teasing him with his female classmates.</p><p>"It's because you get shy with girls that's why I want to tease you!" Ten argued.</p><p>While everyone was teasing Mark at his non-existent love life, Donghuck's gazed connected with Jaemin's momentarily before he averted his eyes. He cannot look at Jaemin's eyes for he knows the other is capable of knowing what he is thinking with just a look.</p><p>And he is also terrified to know the message he will find in Jaemin's eyes. If the other can read him like an open book, Donghyuck can as well.</p><p>That was something they both grew accustomed to by how much time they spend together.</p><p>With both of their fondness for skinship, it was also a common ground for them to stare at each other's eyes.</p><p>Donghyuck swallowed the lump that formed in his throat as he had the courage to look at Jaemin who eyes are full of poorly hidden concern.</p><p>
  <em>Are you okay?</em>
</p><p>He smiled to reassure Jaemin. But his eyes tell a different story.</p><p>
  <em>I'm not okay.</em>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p>Donghyuck knew that Jaemin will move on and fall for someone new --- <em>someone completely different from him.</em> But knowing and actually seeing personally is different.</p><p>As the group went around Seoul, visiting the places the group used to go to and even showing him the cafés they frequent near their university, Donghyuck can see how happy Jaemin is with Renjun.</p><p>"And this is the arcade where we relieve stress from university related stuff," Mark stated, stretching his hand out at the entirety of the place.</p><p>"Or more like when we want to waste our non-existent money," Hendery clarified.</p><p>"Donghyuck is from your previous dance club, right?" Ten has that glint in his eyes, as if challenging him. "Want to play Just Dance?"</p><p>Donghyuck rolled his shoulders, cracking his neck. "You're on, Ten-hyung."</p><p>To be honest, Donghyuck haven't danced that much when he was in America. He simply didn't have the time and leisure just like them.</p><p>Donghyuck had to be the mature eldest son in America. He needed to adapt to a country on the other side of the globe, in a language he barely speaks, with no one to talk to.</p><p>He didn't study college the moment they moved to America. He had to work for hours, quickly learning the culture and how the new environment works.</p><p>He sacrificed a lot. He gave up a lot.</p><p>Dancing was one of them.</p><p>As Ten bought tokens, Donghyuck was actually nervous because he might be rusty when it comes to dancing. And if Ten is as good a dancer like they have described, then he is absolutely fucked.</p><p>"Should we play DDR first for warm-up?" Jaemin asked.</p><p>"We walked all the way here," Jeno pointed out. "I think that's warm up."</p><p>"Save the best dance battle for last," Jaemin insisted. "Let's get wilding around the arcade first."</p><p>"I say we save the dance battle for last too!" Jaehyun raised his hand. "We can all dance to the songs later."</p><p>Donghyuck looked at Jaemin who smiled at him.</p><p>
  <em>He knew I was nervous.</em>
</p><p>"Haechannie, do you want to play DDR first?" Jaemin asked.</p><p>
  <em>Haechan.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haechan.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haechan.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haechan.</em>
</p><p>He missed that name. He absolutely missed that name.</p><p>"Unless you're scared I'll beat you, of course," Jaemin challenged.</p><p>He wanted to cry. He wanted to hug Jaemin right there in front of him.</p><p>He missed Jaemin it was painful.</p><p>Donghyuck grinned. "Who's scared of you? You can't beat me in this lifetime, Na."</p><p>"Let's see about that, Lee."</p><p>Some in their group played other games while some watched him and Jaemin pick a song in the dance machine.</p><p>They stood in the middle of the arrows. He tried to step in each of the arrows to see if they are working.</p><p>Once the song started, their friends cheered them on.</p><p>They chose a rather easy song at first. The arrows aren't that long and aren't that many.</p><p>While stepping on those goddamn arrows and eyes on the screen, Donghyuck suddenly laughed.</p><p>
  <em>God, he missed this.</em>
</p><p>He heard Jaemin laugh beside him and say, "I missed you, Haechan-ah."</p><p>Donghyuck took a glance at Jaemin who was smiling, eyes shining while playing.</p><p>"I missed you too, Jaemin," he said in a low voice.</p><p>
  <em>I missed you so much that I cried to sleep every night.</em>
</p><p>When the song ended, they both got an A in the screen. They did their handshake out of habit even after years of being apart.</p><p>"Welcome home, Haechannie."</p><p>Donghyuck's heart skipped a beat. He looked at the familiar faces around him --- the giant baby Jisung, that beautiful eyesmile of Jeno, the carefree smile of Mark... and Jaemin.</p><p>He felt a warm feeling spread throughout his heart at the sight of the people he grew up with. Indeed, he is home.</p><p>"I'm home."</p><p> </p><hr/><p>Mark bought them drinks with Taeyong paying half of the bill. They were sitting at the table of the café when half of them had the urge to go to the toilet.</p><p>Donghyuck chose to stay and watch their table. He just peed when they were in the arcade anyway.</p><p>"I'll stay here," Lucas said.</p><p>"Me too," Renjun volunteered as well.</p><p>Taeyong also stayed at their table saying he needs to watch the kids.</p><p>When the four of them were left alone, it was Lucas who lightened up the mood with his ever bright smile and even brighter personality.</p><p>"How is America?" Lucas asked. "Wish I could go there."</p><p>"America is nice. But Korea is definitely better."</p><p>"Lucas-hyung wants to see the statue of liberty," Renjun laughed.</p><p>Lucas copied the gesture of said statue and said, "Of course! Am I doing it right?"</p><p>Donghyuck nodded. "America is nice if you go there as a tourist."</p><p>Renjun looked at him like he can relate. "You always miss home."</p><p>"I do. Always."</p><p>The smile Renjun gave him was beautiful and comforting. It suddenly dawned on him why Jaemin would choose Renjun over him.</p><p>Renjun is kind and polite but strong and wise. He was the exact opposite of Donghyuck. He is incredibly beautiful that a person would stop and stare at him because he is ethereal.</p><p>Donghyuck wanted to be bitter but he could not find any flaw when it comes to Renjun.</p><p>Because Renjun made Jaemin's eyes light up like the night sky. He made Jaemin laugh from the bottom of his heart. He held Jaemin's hand as if it was his world. He looked at Jaemin as if he is the only person that matters. And above all, he healed Jaemin's heart that Donghyuck shattered.</p><p>As expected of Jaemin, he chose the best.</p><p>
  <em>The best meaning not me.</em>
</p><p>Donghyuck knew he messed up the moment he chose to break up with Jaemin. He could not remember everything about their break up but he could remember the words Jaemin said to him.</p><p>
  <em>"Don't you love me enough for you to hold on to our relationship?" Jaemin asked, desperate and broken. "Do you think I wouldn't be able to handle a long-distance relationship? Do you think a million mile will stop me from loving you? Do you think I am not hurting just by seeing you in pain?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You won't understand what I am going through. You grew up being an only child. You won't understand the responsibility of being the eldest. You could have everything you want but I can't," Donghyuck said. "My dad's health is deteriorating and it affects me alot. I chose my family, Jaemin. I will always choose them."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I know how much you love your family." Jaemin held Donghyuck's hand, silently hoping he won't let go. "But do you really need to break up with me? That's not fair, Haechan-ah."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I'm sorry, Jaemin-ah."</em>
</p><p>He forced himself to believe that breaking up with Jaemin to focus more on his family is correct. He forced himself to believe that choosing family over Jaemin is right but he can't fight the pain in his heart when he misses the deep voice that calms him. He regretted not trusting himself to handle the stress and pressure of a sick father and a long-distance relationship.</p><p>And because of his self-loating, he cannot bring himself to contact Jaemin. He doesn't have the right to contact him after what he had done. He doesn't even answer Jaemin's messages, be it a text message or a voice message.</p><p>The voice messages were the ones that would sometimes crack Donghyuck's resolve to not contact Jaemin. He could hear the desperation in Jaemin's voice in the messages he received. For two years, he received voice messages from him every single day.</p><p>But still he forced himself not to contact Jaemin even if he really wanted to. He forced himself to let go of the person who is his anchor even if he knew he couldn't.</p><p>Donghyuck shook his head to stop himself from reminiscing the past. It will only bring him heartache.</p><p>"So how are my chaotic friends in university?" Donghyuck asked. "I hope they haven't flunked a subject yet."</p><p>"They haven't but they almost did," Taeyong answered.</p><p>He listened to their stories until the others came back from the toilet. He watched how Jaemin went straight to Renjun and told him the funny encounter they had earlier on the way to the toilet.</p><p>
  <em>Renjun becomes the first person he tells about everything.</em>
</p><p>That thought becomes the final nail in the coffin that convinced Donghyuck that Jaemin moved on.</p><p> </p><hr/><p>At the café they were staying at, there was an event held by fans for a certain group.</p><p>Cupsleeve event or just a gathering of some sorts.</p><p>"NCT 127 event?" Chenle excitedly asked.</p><p>Donghyuck noted that all of them were suddenly enthusiastic making him think that they are actual fanboys of the group.</p><p>But he knows why it is easy to be a fan of NCT 127. The group's dance is powerful and synchorinized. And they don't have one bad song at all.</p><p>The emcee of the event roamed around asking fans what was their favorite song from the group.</p><p>Chenle was so excited to answer he even raised his hand, bringing everyone's attention to their table.</p><p>"We have fanboys attending!" the emcee cheered and walked over to them.</p><p>"If we answer the question can we get a free album?" Ten asked, his eyes resembles that of a kitten asking for food.</p><p>"We can also dance to 127's songs!" Lucas appealed.</p><p>"Do you all want that new album so bad?" Donghyuck asked Jeno who sat beside him.</p><p>Jeno nodded. "It was all sold out the moment we went to the store."</p><p>The emcee looked at Donghyuck. "Okay, you can get an album but it depends on your answer. And I want this gentleman to answer it."</p><p>Their table was surprised that Donghyuck was chosen.</p><p>"Do you even know some songs?" Jisung whispered.</p><p>Donghyuck stood and followed the emcee at the makeshift stage of the café.</p><p>"Do it for the album!" Mark cheered.</p><p>"Hyuckie, please answer wisely!" Lucas shouted.</p><p>His friends cheered him on like the muscle brain that they are.</p><p>He can feel several eyes on him, looking at him. He isn't the type to get nervous in front of a lot of people considering he is a dancer but right now, the attention feels overwhelming.</p><p>His eyes made their way to Jaemin when he became uncomfortable standing in front. He took a deep breath, calming himself as he focused on Jaemin's eyes.</p><p>Jaemin nodded subtly at him with an encouraging smile.</p><p>"What's your name?" the emcee asked.</p><p>"My name is Haechan."</p><p>Donghyuck introduced himself to other people as <em>Haechan</em> simply because he loves the name. His childhood friends are one of the rare people calling him by his real name. Well, except Jaemin since he was the one who came up with the name Haechan.</p><p>And the new friends he met today just adapted to the way Mark and the others called him which is Donghyuck.</p><p>"Haechan-ssi, what is your favorite song from NCT 127 and why?"</p><p>"It's not from the new album though. Is that okay?"</p><p>The emcee nodded. "That's okay."</p><p>"I love the song No Longer," Donghyuck answered. "They really snapped with their vocals and not to mention their emotions when they sang it. I've never saw them but I watched a video of them in youtube performing No Longer and it was simply a rollercoaster ride of emotions."</p><p>He saw his friends giving him a thumbs up, eager to receive a free album.</p><p>"Have you ever experienced a break up?" the emcee asked, curious.</p><p>Donghyuck looked at the emcee and nodded. "Yes."</p><p>The emcee smiled at him and asked, "What was your past relationship like if you don't mind me asking?"</p><p>"It was the kind of relationship that made me a better person."</p><p>"I guess it was a good relationship then." The emcee turned to the audience. "Don't you agree?"</p><p>The audience answered <em>yes</em> in unison.</p><p>"If you could give her a message, what would it be?"</p><p>"Him," Donghyuck corrected.</p><p>"I'm sorry. If you could give <em>him</em> a message, what would it be?"</p><p>Donghyuck thinks this is a great opportunity to say what he wants to say to Jaemin because he probably won't be able to when he is given a time to be alone with him. He could only imagine himself breaking down in front of him.</p><p>So he took a deep and intentionally did not meet Jaemin's eyes, only looking at the wall of the café when he was given the mic.</p><p>"The way our love story started was unlike the cheesy movies and books. You just blurted out how you like me when we stayed late in the dance studio. It was so straight-forward, so <em>you</em>," Donghyuck started. "I never thought we would last for more than two years since we were too similar. I mean, I never even thought we would become a couple to being with. But I'm glad we did."</p><p>He just thought blurting everything here would probably be the best. Whatever happens, happens. He just hopes he won't cry because that would be embarrassing in front of a lot of people.</p><p>"Our two-year relationship was filled with ups and downs and just floating in the middle. Two years filled with cuddles, movie dates, pillow fights and dance practices. Two years of your sporadic food trips and impromptu photoshoots with you as my photographer. Two years filled with plans for the future and pushing each other to be better. Two years of my life just filled with you."</p><p>Donghyuck can feel Jaemin watching him intently but he still continued his speech without looking at him.</p><p>"But some things just have to come to an end," he continued. "All I wish is for you to be happy, even if it's not with me. I have my own share of flaws in our relationship and it will always be a learning experience for me. You were a blessing that came into my life and forever you'll be a part of me."</p><p>He smiled, as if remembering something.</p><p>"Never stop reaching your goal and continue standing for what you believe in because I'm sure you'll get there," he said, looking at Jaemin.</p><p>Donghyuck then fixed his eyes on Renjun. "To the next guy, take care of him. Take care of him because you are so blessed. Feed him when he's sick because he's insistent he doesn't like to eat when he's sick. Don't ever let him drink those 8 shots of espresso but don't limit him in drinking his beloved coffee. Accompany him to his sporadic food trips because you'll be watching him cook the foods he tried himself. Always tell him your honest opinion when he cooks for you. Encourage him about his growing passion in photography and don't ever reject him when he asks you to model for him. Just be patient with him because he has a lot of things he wanted to learn. Do not put him on high pedestal since like you, he's human. No matter how amazing he is, he's not perfect. He has flaws and embrace his weirdness. Love him beyond his physical appearance and realize that his soul is beautiful."</p><p>It felt like a heavy burden was lifted from his shoulders. It felt good to let go of everything he did not know he wanted to say until now.</p><p>"He also likes his nape being caressed because he is similar to a bunny," Donghyuck added.</p><p>He swallowed the lump that formed in his throat. He will <em>not</em> cry in front of people.</p><p>"So, yeah, to the love of my life who was once mine, even if our time together was limited, I knew we had our forever. Thank you for showing me that I can love somebody this much."</p><p> </p><hr/><p>Ten, Jaehyun, and Chenle were arguing who gets to have the polaroids Donghyuck received. He not only received an album but also polaroids.</p><p>And Donghyuck being the absolute devil that he is changed his mind in giving them the polaroids.</p><p>"I'll just keep the polaroids and the album. Stop arguing, my ears are already ringing."</p><p>They were about to protest but Donghyuck held up his hand and said, "I was the one who answered and shared the drama in my life."</p><p>And with that, their time together came to an end.</p><p>He received gifts Mark, Jeno, and Jisung. They were glad his father is fine now and they hoped he can visit Korea more often now.</p><p>Donghyuck gave them hugs one by one, especially since they are the trio that insisted they don't like all of that affectionate stuff like hugs. They didn't complain one bit about the hug but they immediately pushed him back the moment he tried to kiss them.</p><p>He also thanked the new friends he met today. He hopes he could dance with them if given the chance.</p><p>Then there's Renjun.</p><p>Renjun has such honest and clear eyes. There wasn't even a glint of anger or competitiveness in his eyes showing how he wasn't offended when his boyfriend's ex suddenly showed up from America and poured his heart out in front of people.</p><p>Donghyuck knew that Renjun trusted Jaemin so much he wasn't threatened of an ex.</p><p>He smiled at Renjun and hugged him. "Please take care of him."</p><p>"I will. I promise."</p><p>"Thank you."</p><p>And the last one is Jaemin.</p><p>"Haechannie," Jaemin stretched his name like a song.</p><p>"Jaeminie," Donghyuck copied.</p><p>Jaemin grinned. "I'll be the one accompanying you to your hotel. Bodyguard Na Jaemin at your service!"</p><p>"Uh, what? I thought it was Ma-"</p><p>"Bodyguard Na Jaemin at your service," he insisted.</p><p>And just like that, Jaemin dragged him as they bid goodbye to their friends. But Jaemin made sure he kissed Renjun's cheeks and nagged him to text him when he gets home.</p><p>
  <em>Jaemin bitch, literally in front of my salad.</em>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p>Jaemin insisted he wanted to see Donghyuck's room which was dumb because every hotel room looks the same.</p><p>"It's literally a hotel room," Donghyuck said. "What would you expect?"</p><p>"A hotel room with a great view which you have," Jaemin answered, standing at the window overlooking Seoul.</p><p>Donghyuck groaned and fell face first on his bed. "That was tiring. I can't believe I spent the whole day with everyone."</p><p>"Did you have fun?"</p><p>"I did. It was the most fun I've ever had since I went to America."</p><p>He felt a dip on the bed and a hand on his hair. "You did well, Haechan."</p><p>It must have been Jaemin's words or the hand running through his hair or just Jaemin himself that made the tears he has been holding back the whole day flow out of those goddamn tear ducts.</p><p>"Haechan-ah, look at me," was Jaemin's gentle voice. "Sit up and look at me."</p><p>Donghyuck did what he was told and looked at Jaemin who wiped his tears and stroked his hair, shushing him gently.</p><p>"What was I like when I was still your boyfriend?" he asked Jaemin.</p><p>"You were my beautiful adventure," honesty shone brightly in Jaemin's eyes.</p><p>Jaemin's voice did not hold regrets because he will never regret dating Donghyuck. </p><p>"You were the normalcy I craved for. You were my freedom. You were the person who taught me how to live life to the fullest."</p><p>Donghyuck's hands were in Jaemin's. He admits he missed this kind of moment with Jaemin -- their close proximity, their interlaced hands, the hushed voices.</p><p>"What was the best thing about us?" Jaemin asked, never leaving his gaze from Donghyuck's eyes.</p><p>Donghyuck remembered all the times they hugged in the privacy of the darkness of their rooms as they listened to each other's heartbeats.</p><p>"The best thing?" he asked quietly.</p><p>Jaemin nodded, running circles on the back of his hand.</p><p>Donghyuck smiled sadly at Jaemin. "The best thing about us is... <em>us.</em>"</p><p>He felt another wave of incoming tears and he held Jaemin's hands tighter. But Jaemin moved forward and hugged him, making him sob.</p><p>"I missed you. A lot." He buried his face on the crook of Jaemin's neck. "I know I messed everything up and seeing you happy with someone else is shattering my heart."</p><p>He felt Jaemin wrap his arms around him, stroking his back as he cried.</p><p>With a shaking voice, Donghyuck continued. "I am sorry for not answering even one of your messages for the past years. I did not even give you at least a single word as a reply. I feel like I am the biggest jerk for what I did to you -- for leaving you abruptly while breaking your heart, not responding to your messages and not contacting you at all."</p><p>Jaemin just hummed, still rubbing his back to calm him down.</p><p>"I do not even know why you are not mad at me."</p><p>"How could I be mad at you?" Jaemin smiled. "Yes, I was hurt but I could never be mad at you. I owe you a lot for the things you did for me. I would never be who I am today if not for you."</p><p>Donghyuck could feel Jaemin clutching the fabric of his shirt at his back.</p><p>"I could not be mad at you because I know you. I know you are selfless and I know you are hurting more than I am. I know that you are constantly blaming yourself for hurting me."</p><p>"I'm sorry," Donghyuck whispered.</p><p>"Our relationship did not last but it doesn't mean thst it was not good." Jaemin distanced himself a little bit from the embrace to look at Donghyuck's face. "You are the best thing that happened to me even if we didn't work out."</p><p>Donghyuck's heart warmed at what he heard. "You are the best thing that happened to me."</p><p>Jaemin smiled and wiped his tears.</p><p>"Don't worry about me, Jaemin-ah. Just love Renjun comfortably without worries," his voice cracked. "He is a good man."</p><p>He cannot seem to continue because the words died in his throat and he ended up hugging Jaemin again while crying.</p><p>He did not know how long he hugged him but Donghyuck thinks it's still not enough. It will never be enough.</p><p>Donghyuck decided that it is finally the time to let go of Jaemin. He wiped his tears away before unwrapping his arms around him.</p><p>He knows he will be okay. He knows he will be able to accept the fact that Jaemin is with someone else who is not him. He knows he will stop hurting someday. He knows he can accept the consequences of his past decisions.</p><p>And he knows he will always be partly his.</p><p>"You need to go."</p><p>"Haech--"</p><p>"Don't."</p><p>Jaemin nodded, sighing in defeat. He rummaged his bag and held out three journal notebooks. "These are the journal notebooks I made for you for three years."</p><p>"Oh. Um, thank you."</p><p>Donghyuck is not sure if he would like to open Jaemin's personal gift for him.</p><p>He felt Jaemin hug him one last time. This time, the hug was tighter as if giving him strength.</p><p>"Never stop reaching your goal and continue standing for what you believe in because I'm sure you'll get there," Jaemin whispered the all to familiar line he used to say to Donghuck.</p><p>As Jaemin turned to leave the room, Donghyuck called his name.</p><p>"Jaemin-ah." Donghyuck smiled, the kind of smile that was so Donghyuck -- bright and mischievous. "Can I say just one cheesy line right now?"</p><p>Jaemin snorted out a laugh. "Go ahead."</p><p>"Right now, I still love you more than I have loved you yesterday."</p><p>He knows the truth himself. More than anyone, he knows what he feels for Jaemin.</p><p>"I may or may not get over you in the future but right now..." Donghyuck smiled, the smile that made Jaemin give him the name Fullsun. "I will love you even after the sun burns out of existence."</p>
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